Cured by Poetry?

 The philosopher John Stuart Mill, the most brilliant of all the utilitarians, wrote in his autobiography about what he called "A Crisis in My Mental History." Raised to be a crusading reformer, dedicated to the goal of increasing happiness in all its forms, he reached a point where this goal lost its meaning for him. In a state of deep depression, he wrote,

it occurred to me to put the question directly to myself: “Suppose that all your objects in life were realized; that all the changes in institutions and opinions which you are looking forward to, could be completely effected at this very instant: would this be a great joy and happiness to you?” And an irrepressible self-consciousness distinctly answered, “No!” At this my heart sank within me: the whole foundation on which my life was constructed fell down. All my happiness was to have been found in the continual pursuit of this end. The end had ceased to charm, and how could there ever again be any interest in the means? I seemed to have nothing left to live for.

The only cure he found for this sense of bleak hopelessness was in  . . . poetry. In particular, immersing himself in the poetry of Wordsworth. Wordsworth's poems were 

a medicine for my state of mind. . .they expressed, not mere outward beauty, but states of feeling, and of thought coloured by feeling, under the excitement of beauty. They seemed to be the very culture of the feelings, which I was in quest of.. . . From them I seemed to learn what would be the perennial sources of happiness, when all the greater evils of life shall have been removed. And I felt myself at once better and happier as I came under their influence.

Mill was cured by poetry.

I've been in my own bleak midwinter for the past month, not only grieving the recent loss of my husband but also reeling from a devastating, and unexpected, rejection of a book for which I had cherished the highest hopes. Writing has always been my source of bliss. Writing was supposed to be how I would recover from the grief of this family loss. If writing was taken away, to quote Mill, I seemed to have nothing left to live for.

Well, nothing except for poetry.

I rejoined an online poetry group of a dozen or so poets facilitated by the wondrous poet and teacher Molly Fisk. On each morning of the month that the group meets, Molly posts a prompt for us: a striking photo paired with her own evocative caption. Then, if so moved, we write poems in response to this prompt and share them in a private Facebook group. Reactions from the others are welcome, with one crucial caveat: no criticism! not even any helpful "suggestions" for improvement! Just "likes" or "loves" or the occasion "ha-ha" or "WOW!" or a comment lifting up an especially pleasing line or image. 

Now I DO have something to live for, or at least a reason to get out of bed in the morning. What will Molly's prompt be for today??!! I love pondering the prompt  - playing with it - poking around for an idea for what poem I might offer in response. It's fascinating to see what my fellow poets do with that same stimulus, and dazzling to see what some of them produce. 

I have to admit I can get a teensy bit sad that my pitiful little poem isn't as good as some of the others. I'm puzzled - but also intrigued - that some of my poems get more "loves" and comments than others of mine - why? But mainly I try to give up all thought of critique and evaluation and just luxuriate in the joy of creativity and generativity.

It's February 8th today. I have written seven poems so far this month! And I plan to write another one today! Today's prompt is a photo of a wrecked, partially submerged ship that has lush greenery growing up from it (credit: Conor Moore, Australian shipwreck).

 Molly captioned it, "Sometimes shipwrecks turn into islands."

Ooh!

And sometimes despair can turn into a harvest of seven (soon to be eight!) new, not-very-good-but-also-in-some-ways-very-wonderful poems.

What will my poem be today?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Molly hosts these Poem-a-Month gatherings several times a year, and you can join for a nominal fee. She is hosting the next one in April.