I am in the midst of what might be the saddest season of my life so far, dealing with crises of staggering proportions for two family members, with new daily terrors facing me as the one who is charged with Figuring Everything Out: choosing lawyers, choosing rehab facilities, finding the extravagant sums of money needed to pay for it all.
I've been tempted to wallow - indeed, I've felt downright entitled to wallow. Ecclesiastes tells us, "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." Right now my time to weep and time to mourn seems also an excellent time for wallowing.
Except that while I do need to weep and I do need to mourn, wallowing really doesn't seem to be the world's most satisfying activity. So instead I decided to give myself a project (oh, how I love projects). What if I try to face these challenges with as much grace, dignity, kindness, and good humor as possible? What if I set myself the task of becoming a role model - not to others, I don't have the hubris to attempt that - but to . . . myself?
I want to amaze myself by having a good, rich, full happy life anyway. I want to be able to look at myself and say, "Wow! I can't believe Claudia can be so wise and kind and funny and productive given all she is going through!" I'm lost in the dark wood. I want to be the one to show myself the path out of the forest.
So of course I made some lists.
1. Breathe. This has already proven so helpful!
2. Keep on walking 10,000 steps a day - ditto!
3. Be kind to everyone involved.
4. Give yourself as much help as you can: medication, therapy, love and support from friends. If anyone offers any assistance whatsoever, say, "Yes, thank you!"
5. Avoid apocalyptic thinking. Do NOT assume your life is over. Do not assume your family can never recover from this. Remember that you know NOTHING of what is going to happen, because, to quote a famous physicist, "Prediction is difficult, especially about the future." Repeat these words hourly: "You know nothing. Anything can happen. You know nothing. Anything can happen." ALL I know is that it's going be hard, but I'm good at doing hard things. I've had plenty of experience.
6. Get some actual work done this month, too. Philosopher/theologian Miguel de Unamuno has told us, "Work is the only practical consolation for having been born." I'm going to try to do a stunning, rabble-rousing job as a closing keynote speaker at this month's Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators conference - where my subject is (ironically? appropriately?): living a creative life of joy.
7. Listen as needed to this recording of the gospel song "I Still Have Joy."
8. Pray. Pray some more.
That's the plan. There have already been a few wobbles along the way. But it's a good plan. I hope Claudia can help Claudia out of this mess. I'm rooting for her, and for me, and for all of us.
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I’m cheering for you, Claudia! Mourning with you. And loving you.
ReplyDeleteWell, you certainly are and will be a role model for others too! This is such a great practice you are instilling for yourself... in finding a more positive way to get through a massive hardship, you will make your life better, as well as others. No one would blame you if you did wallow and complain and fall into a funk, but you would have made your suffering greater. I commend you for taking on this Challenge and this attitude. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLet's plan a walking/writing/cup o'tea date very soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. We're rooting for Claudia too! She sounds great! I hope to grow up and be just liker her some day! ;-)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, beautiful song. And an excellent plan. Thinking of you. You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou can do it!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Claudia. I will come back to this. I need it a lot right now.
ReplyDeleteYou go, girl! This is a vital story to tell yourself. As for breathing, it's necessary, but when done s-l-o-w-l-y and deeply, it will very much help with the wobbles. This from one who has been there. Claudia is definitely helping Claudia!
ReplyDeleteOh, my dear! I am so sorry to hear about your saddest season! And I think your list is magnificent. In between repeating your most excellent mantra, would you consider repeating, "I am not alone. I am loved. Help is available whenever I ask for it." ? Because it is true. A universe of friends, MaudLers, and fans would step up to offer an ear, a funny story, a hotdish (virtual or actual)- whatever you needed most at that moment - in a heartbeat. You have only to ask.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love and strength to you, dear Claudia. I've had some experience with situations involving rehab myself, and I know it feels like a long dark tunnel most of the time. I hope there will be lights along the way.
I am so proud and grateful to call you my friend. I love you and know you will show yourself the path from this forest. You are strong and funny and one of my very favorite people on the planet.
ReplyDeleteClaudia....You can do it! Give yourself the love and grace you give to others. Love and Hope to you.
ReplyDeleteClaudia, I will be thinking of you, praying for you and your family during this "dark night of the soul" time. Your plan is admirable.
ReplyDelete